Kollektivet: The Wedding from Hell

Trygve has been invited to an old childhood-friend's wedding. He finds the experience less than enjoyable. Will it ever EVER end?

               

                          at the office
Boss: "OK then, Monday is yet again upon us."

            "Hi, hi, So does anybody has anything to
             share from the weekend?"
            "Anybody experienced anything?"
            "Trygve, you went to that wedding, right?"

Trygve: "Yes."

Boss: "Maybe want to tell us a little bit about that?"

Trygve: "As I mentioned before the weekend,
              it was the wedding of an old friend of mine,
              a close friend that I haven’t seen in years."

                "..Ehm, so you know... I had to go."

                                  "To be quite frank;
                                    it was fucking lame."

                                                            at wedding

 Trygve: "The nuptials were OK, until all of a sudden, when people started contributing."

Priest: “The Bride’s good friend Rita is now going to sing us a song.”

Rita: “I don’t like singing in public, but since the family asked;
           since every one of them came to me individually and asked, I said yes.”

Trygve: "That was OK, but in addition to that, the bride and groom had also planned something “fun”"

Priest: “Remix!”

Trygve: "Fair enough, it’s OK for the bride and groom to dance and jump their way down the isle to music,
              but for everyone else to have to participate; that’s not cool. That’s just cruel."

                                                             at reception 

Trygve: "You know the evening is going to be terrible when you have to sit at a table with two kids,
               an eighty year old lady and a woman that has “lonely and desperate” stamped across her  
               forehead."

Single-gal: “ Are you single, because I’m single and I….”

Information-guy: Yes, howdy’, just some information

Old lady: “Speak up please!”

Man: "Some information."

Old Lady: “I can’t hear you!” “Can you hear what he is saying? I can’t hear a thing of what he is saying!”

Trygve: "Argh, I thought that alcohol would be the only thing that would be able to save me now.

Information-guy: “We will not be serving alcohol today, according to the wishes of the bride and groom.
                              "Unfortunately."”

Trygve: "From that point on, it was a complete and utter hell."

              "It started with the toast by the father of the bride."

Father: "I think we can all agree that this is possibly the most beautiful bride ever."

              "I would marry her myself, but that’s not allowed."

Groom: "No, that’s Not allowed."

Old lady: “Who are you?”

Trygve: "My name is Trygve."

Old lady: “What was that?”

Trygve: "Trygve, and old childhood friend of the groom.

Old lady: "You have to talk louder!"

Trygve: "And then the groom’s toast was a complete train-wreck."

Groom: "You know how I’ve always had a hard time expressing myself through words,
                so I’m going to express myself  through a song."
                Sings DDE-song; "I’m driving E6, straight there, someone might be lying there in her arms now."
                "And that would be me."

Father: "And that would be me."

Groom: "No, that would be me. That’s not right."

Trygve: "And of course, let’s not forget all those “fun” traditions."

People: "Up on the chairs! Yeees!"

Trygve: "And the underlying family traumas."

Mother of the bride: "Of course, it’s lovely with marriage and all that that entails,
                                     but your father and I got divorced so, yes, it can go both ways,
                                     one shouldn’t necessarily get their hopes up all the time,
                                     just remember to keep those on a little bit of a low too."

Trygve: "And the girlfriends that were trying to be a little “Crazy”"

Girlfriends singing: "Do you remember, do you remember, that time you got drunk?
                                 Do you remember, do you remember, that everything went into scrambles? 
                                 Haha, haha...."
Single-gal: "Sorry ruth, we just had to!"

                   "Come on, join!"

Trygve: "It just never ceased to go on."

Irony guy: "Now that your getting married Lasse, I just have to point out what a self-ironic guy you are"

Interrupt-guy: "I just have to interrupt! Because I remember that time I poured water down your pants,    
                         and you did not laugh!" everyone laughs

Interrupt-guy 2: "Let me interrupt the interruption!" everyone laughs

Rita: "I hate to have to hog the spotlight, but there are several, no rather are a great many people here that
          have asked me if I can sing the song I sang in the church one more time." sings

Information-guy: "Everybody; And we give thanks for this food, Oh my God how lovely it was with the
                               alcohol-free wine."

Single-gal: "One more time! One more time!"

Father: "And one for daddy! One for daddy!" 

Single-gal: "One more time! One more time! By all means!"

Trygve: "That’s quite enough."

Groom: "Oh my, someone’s sulky."

Bride: "He’s your friend."

Rita and man sings song yet again 

Trygve: "It was, by all accounts, the worst day of my entire life."

              "The worst day in my life, but I’d imagine it was the best day in Lasse and Ruth’s lives."

                                                at knitting-meeting

Lady: "Well the, it’s morning-meeting. And since it’s the morning-meeting,
            let’s have a little chat about Ruth, who got married this weekend! Yes!" laughs

            "How was it? Do tell!"

Bride: "The nuptials were beautiful, everybody was so happy,
             with the exception of a friend of my husbands."

Lady: What happened?

Bride: "No he was irritated and sulky, and I just feel it weighed down on the entire ambiance."

Lady: "Don’t you think about that! Don’t you think about that! Don’t you get upset about that!
            Thinking that that ruined your wedding. Don’t do that! Just think of all those fabulous gifts!
            Which there was an abundance of!"

Bride: Yes, yes.