No, seriously, what's up with the hat?
1: Girl you’re delicious, you’re lookin’ fine, at least
now that I’m drinking.
2: You’ve got what it takes, what’s the likelihood
of the two of us hooking up?
1: Could you tell me that?
2: I’m not so good with probability math.
1: You’ve got the legs of a model.
2: Did you shave them yourself?
2: An ass that gives the song some effective beat.
Bom, Bom, Bom, Bom, Bom. slap
1: Your mouth is ready for invasion, I ready my
lips into position, I lean in, but then I suddenly
see….
2: On your head sits a bowler hat...
WHAT THE FUCK?!
Both: Why, Why oh why...
1: ...are you wearing a hat?
2: This is driving me nuts, you, who’s usually so hot, why are you wearing a hat,
what’s the deal with the hat?!
Both: Why, Why oh why are you wearing a bowler hat?!
2: What’s up with bowler hat, have you gone mad as a hatter?
Have you gone looney-tunes?
1: As long as you are wearing a hat, you’re not going to,,,
2: ,,,get any tonight!
Girl: Do you really think the hat is that silly?
2: If you’re trying to cover a bald-spot, then sure, that’s fine.
1: It’s probably cool amongst your peers,
but it’s not like I want to hook up with Egon Olsen for crying out loud!
Girl: But isn’t it….
1: No, I’m scared of the hat.
2: I wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night.
2: I walk down dark streets feeling like, behind me lurks a dangerous hat.
1: It haunts me in my dreams, threatens me with a knife!
2: The hat rapes me and infects me with hat-HIV!
1: I get hat-virus all over my computer!
2: YOUR HAT IS POSSESSED BY SATAN!!
1: I might seem a little off-kilter, but hat at a party is scary tacky!
2: You need to realise that, you need to choose between me and the hat!
WHAT THE FUCK?!
Both: Why, Why oh why are you wearing a hat?
2: This is driving me nuts, you, who’s usually so hot, don’t tilt it to the side,
HAT- SATAN WILL GET YOU!
Both: Why, Why oh why are you wearing a bowler hat?
2: What’s up with bowler hat, did you go bowling tonight?… how strange…
Sunday, 23 February 2014
Kollektivet: Embarrassing Parents
Audmina is like every other typical teenager living with her parents, which has become a bit of a problem, as her parents seem to get sillier and more embarrassing for each day that passes. Is it just her, or are they a little bonkers?
Narrator:
Audmina lives in this house, with her parents.
She feels she has the silliest and most embarrassing parents in the entire world.
Audmina:
It’s probably normal to feel your parents are embarrassing, but mine ARE embarrassing. Really embarrassing.
Narrator:
It is not unusual for teens to feel their parents are silly. Experts put this reaction to be a pubescent problem.
Expert:
It’s primarily due to the hormones they develop entering puberty, but of course, it’s also partly due to the fact that youths feel the need to separate themselves from their parents. To get their own identity, and to not be as reliant.
Father:
"An garde! You’re skilled with the cucumber! Solar plexus!"
"OH my, isn’t it our little girl?!"
"Or should I say our big girl?"
"Or should I say Supreme Court Judge?"
Mother:
"Did you get your period? No? But don’t you worry about that, take me, I didn’t get mine until I was 34."
"The day after I lost my beard."
Father: "In a drowning-accident!"
Audmina: "Argh, you are so embarrassing and silly!"
Mother: "Embarrassing and silly???"
Audmina:
I don’t know what to do, all the grown-ups keep telling me it’s just a phase I’m going through.
I can’t say I agree.
Narrator:
The parents are still responsible and need to protect their young in their teens, this situation often seems more and more unnatural for the youths. Leaving their parents to seem more and more embarrassing and silly.
Father:
"The Sultan of Quack-istan! Quack, Quack, Quack!"
"And now it’s time for the Hat-Tuesday jig!"
"Yes! Come on now!"
"Funny Hat-Tuesday!"
Mother: "Swinging hat, swinging hat!"
Father:
"Funny Hat-Tuesday!"
"Who comes there? It’s the Mongolians! Come, Chief constable!"
Mother: "Whoa!"
Father: "We must hide!"
Audmina:
I am very concerned about what’s going to happen to me, whose parents are so silly. How is that going to affect me when I get to that age, you know?
Mother: "Mommy has dressed up like a like a pheasant, because now it’s time for the mating game!"
Father: "Capercaillie, yes, beautiful times ten! Ten watches! 1-2-blahblehbliblo-8-9- ten watches!"
Mother: "Audmina, come now, it’s the mating game! We are going to sniff daddy!"
Father: "Ah, shaggadagga-duh."
Narrator:
What do you think about what Audmina is experiencing?
Expert:
There’s nothing wrong with Audmina’s parents. It is a well-known phase… oh, excuse me, I have to take this, you see, it’s my son Tord calling, So I just have to….
Hi there Tord! blllltttssss Did you get a kayak with no banjo? Can you pet the goose without a goose-flute? Wiiiihuuu, wiihuuu, says daddy’s goose-flute! Who goes there? Quack, quack, quack! It’s a real goose! Bye-bye then Tord! Hahahaha!!
As I said before, it’s just a phase that you have to go through, and then it’ll pass, and everything goes back to normal again.
Father: "We are not silly! No we are not silly, not silly!"
Narrator:
Then it just remains to be seen if Audmina comes out of this unscathed.
Father: "Not silly! NOT SILLY!"
Narrator:
Audmina lives in this house, with her parents.
She feels she has the silliest and most embarrassing parents in the entire world.
Audmina:
It’s probably normal to feel your parents are embarrassing, but mine ARE embarrassing. Really embarrassing.
Narrator:
It is not unusual for teens to feel their parents are silly. Experts put this reaction to be a pubescent problem.
Expert:
It’s primarily due to the hormones they develop entering puberty, but of course, it’s also partly due to the fact that youths feel the need to separate themselves from their parents. To get their own identity, and to not be as reliant.
Father:
"An garde! You’re skilled with the cucumber! Solar plexus!"
"OH my, isn’t it our little girl?!"
"Or should I say our big girl?"
"Or should I say Supreme Court Judge?"
Mother:
"Did you get your period? No? But don’t you worry about that, take me, I didn’t get mine until I was 34."
"The day after I lost my beard."
Father: "In a drowning-accident!"
Audmina: "Argh, you are so embarrassing and silly!"
Mother: "Embarrassing and silly???"
Audmina:
I don’t know what to do, all the grown-ups keep telling me it’s just a phase I’m going through.
I can’t say I agree.
Narrator:
The parents are still responsible and need to protect their young in their teens, this situation often seems more and more unnatural for the youths. Leaving their parents to seem more and more embarrassing and silly.
Father:
"The Sultan of Quack-istan! Quack, Quack, Quack!"
"And now it’s time for the Hat-Tuesday jig!"
"Yes! Come on now!"
"Funny Hat-Tuesday!"
Mother: "Swinging hat, swinging hat!"
Father:
"Funny Hat-Tuesday!"
"Who comes there? It’s the Mongolians! Come, Chief constable!"
Mother: "Whoa!"
Father: "We must hide!"
Audmina:
I am very concerned about what’s going to happen to me, whose parents are so silly. How is that going to affect me when I get to that age, you know?
Mother: "Mommy has dressed up like a like a pheasant, because now it’s time for the mating game!"
Father: "Capercaillie, yes, beautiful times ten! Ten watches! 1-2-blahblehbliblo-8-9- ten watches!"
Mother: "Audmina, come now, it’s the mating game! We are going to sniff daddy!"
Father: "Ah, shaggadagga-duh."
Narrator:
What do you think about what Audmina is experiencing?
Expert:
There’s nothing wrong with Audmina’s parents. It is a well-known phase… oh, excuse me, I have to take this, you see, it’s my son Tord calling, So I just have to….
Hi there Tord! blllltttssss Did you get a kayak with no banjo? Can you pet the goose without a goose-flute? Wiiiihuuu, wiihuuu, says daddy’s goose-flute! Who goes there? Quack, quack, quack! It’s a real goose! Bye-bye then Tord! Hahahaha!!
As I said before, it’s just a phase that you have to go through, and then it’ll pass, and everything goes back to normal again.
Father: "We are not silly! No we are not silly, not silly!"
Narrator:
Then it just remains to be seen if Audmina comes out of this unscathed.
Father: "Not silly! NOT SILLY!"
Kollektivet: That's Gotta' Be Allowed!
Follow this man, on his crusade to let the world know, just how much he hates certain laws and norms.
I mean, some things have got to be allowed, don't they?
-Lyrics-
One more hour of sleep, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
You see, I am very concerned with things that ought to be allowed!
Out there, a bunch of people have made up all these norms and rules concerning what is allowed and what’s not. For those people; I have bone to pick with you!
I just made an animal metaphor,
and that’s gotta’ be allowed.
I can’t be bothered with showering, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
Can’t be bothered brushing, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
Yesterday’s undies, that’s gotta’ be allowed. Kinda’ smells like a farmhouse, but that’s gotta’ be allowed.
Not having a job, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
Watching TV all day, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
Mooching off of the state a little, that’s gotta’ be allowed. Tell them I’m disabled and can’t work, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
To grant yourself the enjoyment of some snacks, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
30 kilos of candy, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
A little taste test on the apples, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
And a little stealing, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
To get the value of handing in my bottles twice, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
To read the paper all the way through, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
To fart on the smoked salmon, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
"To grant myself 5 minutes of naptime on this conveyor belt, without you standing there being all difficult and ugly at me, that’s gotta’ be allowed!"
That ought to be allowed!
That's gotta’ be allowed!
repeat
Telling other people’s children inappropriate jokes, that’s gotta’ be allowed!
To lure them home with candy, that’s gotta’ be allowed!
To bring other people’s children home to enjoy some candy, should be allowed as a general principle!
That's gotta’ be allowed.
“Borrow” money from the average joe on the street, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
To "tidy a little" on “Plata”, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
Dance a little on the table, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
Call your girlfriend a whore, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
A little body-contact, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
Be interested in politics, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
Take a little poo at a party, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
Girl: "Didn’t you flush, or what?"
"That’s gotta’ be allowed!"
Public urination, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
Steal the walking-stick of a wrinkled old gnome, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
Get some nicotine into your system, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
A little penis-adjustment, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
"Borrow" the bicycle-lock, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
To laugh at someone in a wheelchair, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
“I call people in wheelchairs Wheelieclowns, and that’s gotta’ be allowed!”
That ought to be allowed!
That’s gotta’ be allowed!
repeat
THAT’S GOTTA’ BE ALLOWED!
That ought’ to be allowed!
That’s gotta’ be allowed!
repeat
Now listen to this; they accused me of murder, but I was asleep!
Yes, it was behind the wheel, but that’s gotta’ be allowed!
Judge: “Do you have anything to say in your defense? “
“Yes my defense is; That’s Gotta’ Be ALLOWEEEEED!”
That ought to be allowed!
That’s gotta’ be allowed!
repeat
“Come on! Seriously! Isn’t anything allowed?!”
I mean, some things have got to be allowed, don't they?
-Lyrics-
One more hour of sleep, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
You see, I am very concerned with things that ought to be allowed!
Out there, a bunch of people have made up all these norms and rules concerning what is allowed and what’s not. For those people; I have bone to pick with you!
I just made an animal metaphor,
and that’s gotta’ be allowed.
I can’t be bothered with showering, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
Can’t be bothered brushing, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
Yesterday’s undies, that’s gotta’ be allowed. Kinda’ smells like a farmhouse, but that’s gotta’ be allowed.
Not having a job, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
Watching TV all day, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
Mooching off of the state a little, that’s gotta’ be allowed. Tell them I’m disabled and can’t work, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
To grant yourself the enjoyment of some snacks, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
30 kilos of candy, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
A little taste test on the apples, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
And a little stealing, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
To get the value of handing in my bottles twice, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
To read the paper all the way through, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
To fart on the smoked salmon, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
"To grant myself 5 minutes of naptime on this conveyor belt, without you standing there being all difficult and ugly at me, that’s gotta’ be allowed!"
That ought to be allowed!
That's gotta’ be allowed!
repeat
Telling other people’s children inappropriate jokes, that’s gotta’ be allowed!
To lure them home with candy, that’s gotta’ be allowed!
To bring other people’s children home to enjoy some candy, should be allowed as a general principle!
That's gotta’ be allowed.
“Borrow” money from the average joe on the street, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
To "tidy a little" on “Plata”, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
Dance a little on the table, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
Call your girlfriend a whore, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
A little body-contact, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
Be interested in politics, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
Take a little poo at a party, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
Girl: "Didn’t you flush, or what?"
"That’s gotta’ be allowed!"
Public urination, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
Steal the walking-stick of a wrinkled old gnome, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
Get some nicotine into your system, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
A little penis-adjustment, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
"Borrow" the bicycle-lock, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
To laugh at someone in a wheelchair, that’s gotta’ be allowed.
“I call people in wheelchairs Wheelieclowns, and that’s gotta’ be allowed!”
That ought to be allowed!
That’s gotta’ be allowed!
repeat
THAT’S GOTTA’ BE ALLOWED!
That ought’ to be allowed!
That’s gotta’ be allowed!
repeat
Now listen to this; they accused me of murder, but I was asleep!
Yes, it was behind the wheel, but that’s gotta’ be allowed!
Judge: “Do you have anything to say in your defense? “
“Yes my defense is; That’s Gotta’ Be ALLOWEEEEED!”
That ought to be allowed!
That’s gotta’ be allowed!
repeat
“Come on! Seriously! Isn’t anything allowed?!”
Saturday, 22 February 2014
Kollektivet: The Charter Nightmare
A family decides to go on holiday to Gran Canaria.
Thinking they'll be able to ditch the tour-guide-charter experience and the kind of people those kinds of outings attract; they are in for a nasty surprise as the tour-guides reveal their uncanny ability to get the people to participate whether they want to or not.
Wife:You’d think we were going on some charter-trip.
Norwegian: Hi and welcome to Gran Canaria, this
bus journey will transport you to the hotel.
Swedish: Hi and welcome to Gran Canaria, this bus
journey will transport you to the hotel.
Danish: Hi and welcome to Gran Canaria, this bus
journey will transport you to the hotel.
Wife: I cannot believe that people do this over and over again.
Husband: I know, I know.
Wife: The volume is way too loud Frank, you need to do something.
Husband: They‘ll probably be done in a minute,
people are very tired and everyone just want to get to the hotel as quickly as possible.
Swedish: This trip will approximately take three and a half hours.
Norwegian: This trip will take three and a half hours,
and we will be your tour-guides throughout the entire journey.
Danish: ....and we will be your tour-guides throughout the entire journey.
Norwegian: cough
Swedish: cough
Danish: cough
Norwegian: Excuse me.
Swedish: Excuse me.
Danish: Excuse me.
Norwegian: On the right you can see the biggest waterworld In Gran Canaria.
Swedish: To the right you can se….
Wife: Frank, I’m going insane! I’m going insane!
Husband: I don’t understand, why do they keep repeating it in all the languages??
I get it the first time they say it!
Norwegian: We will now be passing around a form where you can sign up for a trip
to go look at some old ruins.
We will be coming around with the bus to pick you up tomorrow morning at SEVEN AM.
Husband: We do NOT want to look at the ruins!
Swedish: A trip to look at the old ruins….
Husband: We will NOT be participating in that!
Swedish:….tomorrow morning at seven am.
Husband: Just to make that perfectly clear.
Danish: The bus will be coming around tomorrow morning to pick you up at seven am.
Husband: Let us out!
All tour-guides: You are starting to feel sleepy. You think Spanish folk dancing is fun.
You will be doing morning exercises by the poolside. You will be looking at ruins.
Husband: How did we….?
Wife: Why are you wearing a Sombrero??
Husband: WHY ARE WE WEARING CROCS??!
Norwegian: And now, some classic Swedish meatballs at the local tavern.
Husband: We do NOT want to participate!
Swedish: And now, some classic Swedish meatballs at the local tavern.
Husband: Although.. meatballs can be very good....
Danish: …. at the local tavern.
Husband: Mmmm, Swedish meatballs. Where are we?!
Wife: Why do you have a mullet?!
Husband: Why do you?!
Danish: Tonight features some Spanish folk dancing.
Norwegian: Tonight features some Spanish folk dancing.
Swedish: Tonight features some Spanish folk dancing.
Husband: We Do NOT…. Scream
Wife: Scream
Wife: Why are we dancing??
Husband: I have no idea.
Why are you talking with a Frekstad dialect?(Hillbilly-dialect)
Wife: I have no idea.
Both: Scream
Husband: Why are we doing morning exercises by the poolside?
Wife: Why are you wearing a floatation ring?
Husband: Because I LOVE floatation rings!
Both: Scream
All guides: You think charter-trips are the best. You will be going on them, again, and again, and again....
Wife: What’s going on?
Husband: I had a nightmare!
Wife: A nightmare?
Husband: I dreamt that we were on a charter trip to Gran Canaria...
AND WE DIDN’T LIKE IT!
Thinking they'll be able to ditch the tour-guide-charter experience and the kind of people those kinds of outings attract; they are in for a nasty surprise as the tour-guides reveal their uncanny ability to get the people to participate whether they want to or not.
Wife:You’d think we were going on some charter-trip.
Norwegian: Hi and welcome to Gran Canaria, this
bus journey will transport you to the hotel.
Swedish: Hi and welcome to Gran Canaria, this bus
journey will transport you to the hotel.
Danish: Hi and welcome to Gran Canaria, this bus
journey will transport you to the hotel.
Wife: I cannot believe that people do this over and over again.
Husband: I know, I know.
Wife: The volume is way too loud Frank, you need to do something.
Husband: They‘ll probably be done in a minute,
people are very tired and everyone just want to get to the hotel as quickly as possible.
Swedish: This trip will approximately take three and a half hours.
Norwegian: This trip will take three and a half hours,
and we will be your tour-guides throughout the entire journey.
Danish: ....and we will be your tour-guides throughout the entire journey.
Norwegian: cough
Swedish: cough
Danish: cough
Norwegian: Excuse me.
Swedish: Excuse me.
Danish: Excuse me.
Norwegian: On the right you can see the biggest waterworld In Gran Canaria.
Swedish: To the right you can se….
Wife: Frank, I’m going insane! I’m going insane!
Husband: I don’t understand, why do they keep repeating it in all the languages??
I get it the first time they say it!
Norwegian: We will now be passing around a form where you can sign up for a trip
to go look at some old ruins.
We will be coming around with the bus to pick you up tomorrow morning at SEVEN AM.
Husband: We do NOT want to look at the ruins!
Swedish: A trip to look at the old ruins….
Husband: We will NOT be participating in that!
Swedish:….tomorrow morning at seven am.
Husband: Just to make that perfectly clear.
Danish: The bus will be coming around tomorrow morning to pick you up at seven am.
Husband: Let us out!
All tour-guides: You are starting to feel sleepy. You think Spanish folk dancing is fun.
You will be doing morning exercises by the poolside. You will be looking at ruins.
Husband: How did we….?
Wife: Why are you wearing a Sombrero??
Husband: WHY ARE WE WEARING CROCS??!
Norwegian: And now, some classic Swedish meatballs at the local tavern.
Husband: We do NOT want to participate!
Swedish: And now, some classic Swedish meatballs at the local tavern.
Husband: Although.. meatballs can be very good....
Danish: …. at the local tavern.
Husband: Mmmm, Swedish meatballs. Where are we?!
Wife: Why do you have a mullet?!
Husband: Why do you?!
Danish: Tonight features some Spanish folk dancing.
Norwegian: Tonight features some Spanish folk dancing.
Swedish: Tonight features some Spanish folk dancing.
Husband: We Do NOT…. Scream
Wife: Scream
Wife: Why are we dancing??
Husband: I have no idea.
Why are you talking with a Frekstad dialect?(Hillbilly-dialect)
Wife: I have no idea.
Both: Scream
Husband: Why are we doing morning exercises by the poolside?
Wife: Why are you wearing a floatation ring?
Husband: Because I LOVE floatation rings!
Both: Scream
All guides: You think charter-trips are the best. You will be going on them, again, and again, and again....
Wife: What’s going on?
Husband: I had a nightmare!
Wife: A nightmare?
Husband: I dreamt that we were on a charter trip to Gran Canaria...
AND WE DIDN’T LIKE IT!
Kollektivet: Cess is NOT on a boyfriend hunt - episode 1 and 2
Episode 1
We meet Cess, a young girl who lives in a commune with four boys. Even though one of the boys is gay, she is firmly convinced they're all in love with her. She has decided to go on a mission to make them fall out of love with her, focusing on what boys wouldn't like in a girl.
This is me, I’m Cecilie, and I’m 24 years old, and I am single. Something I’d like to continue to be.
Inscription:
Cess is NOT on a boyfriend-hunt.
Cess:
"Ew!"
I am a young, beautiful and talented girl. Frankly; I am the total dreambabe for lot of guys, if not all.
But I don’t want to be in a relationship! All my girlfriends with boyfriends, do nothing but complain;
Girl 1:
"If it hadn’t been for me, my boyfriend would have starved to death!"
Girl 2:
"He never calls me back!"
Girl3:
“I can’t, I’m watching football with the guys that day”
Girl 2:
"Yes, I know! Always!"
Cess:
I have managed to stay single for such a long time. I’m quite the pro; six years to be exact. So throughout this series, I will be showing you how to stay away from a relationship.
Inscription: snap
Cess:
The first thing you have to learn, is to steer clear of men you don’t know.
Do not engage in eye-contact! They’re like dogs, florists and drug-addicts, if they get eye-contact with you, it’s game over.
Be stuck up, pretend you can’t hear them when they talk.
Cashier:
"Would you like a bag?"
Cess:
Bag, receipt, sex with me, very uncomfortable!
Cashier:
"You forgot your gum."
Cess:
Stuff like that; ignore it! Just get yourself out!
Don’t ever accept something from a man!
Waiter:
"Would you like something to eat?"
Cess:
"No!"
What, do they think food is an automatic entry into me?
Handling strangers is the easy part.
It’s harder when it’s comes to, for example, friends or colleagues.
You can just imagine what it’s like for me, living in the commune.
ALL the guys want me to be their girlfriend!
So what would it take for a guy not to want to be in a relationship with a woman?
Seb: "What would make me not like a woman? Bad odour."
Fridtjof: "I do not like girls who are indelicate."
Jakob: "I can get a little frightened by girls, that I can tell isn’t really that fond of men."
Fridtjof: "And lots of armpit-hair."
Kevin: "Girls?? They lack a lot of stuff. And a big something."
Cess:
Throughout the next episodes, you’ll see me doing my best to avoid entering any relationship with any of the guys in the commune.
"Pull my finger! Hahahahahaha! Hohohoho!"
He will do anything to get his hands on me!
Episode 2:
See what happens when Cess takes Seb on a date whilst trying to be as macho as possible to make him dislike her!
See what happens when Cess takes Seb on a date whilst trying to be as macho as possible to make him dislike her!
This is me, I’m Cecilie, and I’m 24 years old, and I am single. Something I’d like to continue to be!
Inscription: Cess is NOT on a boyfriend-hunt.
Cess:
There are actually different techniques to avoid getting a boyfriend.
And even though guys ALWAYS wants a girlfriend, there are in fact, some things that boys do not like.
Seb: "If I fall in love with a woman, and she behaves more butch than me; well that would have me reconsidering it at least three times over."
Fridtjof: "And I hate it when girls try to help me lift stuff."
Jakob: "Nudging, mocking, holding the door for me...."
Seb: "Like the girl paying for stuff, just isn’t right."
Jakob: "Leave it to the boys."
Fridtjof: "You get to be a woman and …. Light scented candles."
Kevin: "I don’t give a rats ass about girls, and that’s that. Period. Except Celine Dion, her I care about."
Cess:
ALL the guys in the commune wants to have me as their girlfriend. And Seb is really aggressively pursuing me.
Seb: "What are you watching?"
Cess: "Not now, Jens Sebastian. Sit further away from me."
Cess:
I was watching TV, and he just came and wanting to snuggle up to a movie. Snuggling up to a movie is guys’ all-time favourite thing to do.
Seb:
"Is it OK if I play some FIFA? Or what? Are you watching something important?"
"Hm?"
Cess: "Sure…"
Seb: "So it's OK?"
(at restaurant)
Cess:
Something boys do not like, is going out with masculine women.
Seb will be arriving soon, and I’m going to treat him as if he were the woman.
The thing is: Seb thinks this is a date.
Seb: "Yo, hi."
Cess:
"YO!"
"Do it like this! It’s kinda’ cool to do it like that, I’d wish we’d be like that towards each other more often!"
Seb: "What’s up?"
Cess: "Oh nothing. Just cool to hang with my bud, you know, Sebb!"
Seb: "Sebb?"
Cess: "Sebbster!"
Seb: "Yeah, OK.. well, I think I just want something light, like a baguette or something."
Cess:
"What, are you dieting?"
"Potatoes! Haha!"
Seb:
Cess seems very harsh today.
Cess: "Just order whatever you want, no worries, it’s on me!"
Seb: "No, no, no need for that."
Cess:
"Sure, It’s on me! You know, cause I make more money than you do,
which makes the natural solution for me to step up and pay."
Seb: "So, did you have something particular you wanted to talk to me about,
since we couldn’t eat at the house?"
Cess: "No, no, no. Isn’t it just nice for us to hang out here a little together,
you know, talk about some cool stuff, you and me."
Seb:
"Yeah."
Cess:
"Women and cars, such a mess."
"Played any video-games lately?"
Seb: "Yes."
Seb:
Does she want to be like a man, or what? What’s the deal with that?
Seb: "Argh…. But..."
Cess: "What? It’s just water."
Seb: "You’re getting it all over the food."
Cess: "What? Is it making you angry?"
Seb: "No… I just…"
Cess: "You’re so cute when you’re mad."
Cess:
Seb has now gone to the bathroom, and I think this is going very well.
I’ve been acting like a guy, and I can tell it’s starting to annoy him, so I’m pretty sure I’ve got him exactly where I want him. He is probably starting to re-think his crush on me.
Seb: I’m not in love with Cess. Why would you ask me that?
Cess: "OK, then, Ladies first."
Seb:
"Huh, huh."
"Where are you going, to the commune?"
Cess: "I am not coming home with you Seb."
Seb: "But we live in the same house. OK… gotta' go, catch you later."
Cess: "Still in love....argh..."
Cess:
Now I’m not sure if it worked, but I’ve dodged the bullet so far. Besides, Seb isn’t the biggest problem. The three other guys are even more in love with me. And I need to work on that.
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